So another year came and went, ostensibly as I turned my head away for what seemed only a moment, distracted once again by something shiny in my peripheral vision. Anyone else ever feel that way? I get distracted too easily by so many things that really aren't very significant when you take a look at the big picture. Looking back on 2008, what are we using to judge whether or not it was a good year. Did we accomplish all of your goals? Did we meet the man/woman of our dreams? Finally get that job/promotion we wanted? Move to a new location? Get your heart shit on somehow (that probably applies to all of us at one point or another during the year)? Did you manage to keep even ONE of your New Years resolutions from last year? Are we better people at the end of this year than at the beginning? Did we learn something about life?
Undoubtedly most of you reading this, if anyone still does read this, will have made a New Years resolution of some sort or another practically every year since we were old enough to understand the concept. Maybe not because you have any intention of actually trying to change, but because it's fun to talk about at parties. Some of my more favorite past resolutions include gaining weight, being more assertive, running a marathon (didn't happen). Some people want to lose weight, other people want to start working out more; maybe you want to finally buy a house or talk to that guy/girl you've always had a crush on but were too afraid to ever even think about having an intelligent conversation with. I'm not honestly sure why people do it anymore. I have a feeling though that it has to do, mainly, with what I call the "If only. . ." complex.
I'm guilty of it. It occurs when we say things to ourselves along the lines of, "If only I can just . . . " fill in the blank. If only I can just get that raise all my trouble will be over. If only he or she would see that we're perfect for one another I think I'd be really happy in life. The idea is that there's a magical circumstance in our lives, something that's just not working out for us at the moment, that we could change and life would suddenly be perfect. We're not thin enough, we're not pretty enough, we're not successful enough but if this one thing would just finally happen, we would be.
Well it's a nice idea and let's give ourselves plenty of points for idealism, I'm just not convinced it has any basis in reality. Don't misunderstand me, I believe it's important to set goals, be optimistic, have hope. It's also really important to know what said goals are going to accomplish. If you want to start working out because your goal is to become healthier, do it. But once you're healthier don't start wondering why that alone didn't make all the pieces of your life come together.
All of this is starting to look kind of negative as I'm reading back over it and my intention for the New Year was to write something mildly inspirational so don't stop reading, we're almost there. What do we do about this syndrome? Maybe we're asking ourselves the wrong questions. Occasionally in my life, I meet people who actually bother to ask me about it, and one of my favorite questions is whether or not I ever wish I was back in Afghanistan. Kind of a no-brainer, right? I mean, who honestly wants to be in an active combat zone? It's hellish, it really is, and Afghanistan wasn't even that bad I don't think. But I'll say this for it: Life was simpler. There aren't all of these little things to distract you i.e. "I've got too many bills" "I don't have enough time for all of this" "why doesn't that girl like me?" tvs, internet, movies, women, work, money problems, debt, payments, clothes. I get bogged down with all of this stuff so easily. They're the wrong details to be focusing on, I'm sure of it.
Maybe we're not asking ourselves the right questions. Maybe we're getting so distracted by the things we see in the corners of our eyes that we forget about the important things. In the year 2008, did I laugh enough? Love enough? Live enough? So I suggest an alternatve resolution for everyone this year. One of the many meanings of the word resolve is to decide FIRMLY on a course of action. So let us resolve this. Let us resolve to allow ourselves to live up to our full potential. I'm a little bit cynical, I've allowed life to push me to that kind of mind frame but I still believe that amazing things are possible. More importantly, I still believe that people - that you and I - are capable of amazing thing; that we have the potential for greatness; the potential to do something great, extraordinary, momentous with our lives. I'm no longer so certain as I was in college - i've allowed more reason into my head and reason, unfortunately, doesn't yield as many answers as blind faith - but I am certain that we are not meant to live this life in mundane fashion. But for some reason we continue to allow it. We are either too distracted by all of those other things to see the opportunities we're confronted with, or we're too scared to grab hold and follow where it leads.
John Steinbeck writes in his book East of Eden ,"Sometimes a kind of glory lights up the mind of a man. It happens to nearly everyone. You can feel it growing or preparing like a fuse burning toward dynamite. It is a feeling in the stomach, a delight of the nerves, of the forearms. The skin tastes the air, and every deep-drawn breath is sweet. Its beginning has the pleasure of a great stretching yawn; it flashes in the brain and the whole world glows outside your eyes. A man may have lived all his life in the gray, and the land and trees of him dark and somber. The events, even the important ones, may have trooped by faceless and pale. And then—the glory—so that a cricket song sweetens the ears, the smell of the earth rises chanting to his nose, and dappling light under a tree blesses his eyes. Then a man pours outward, a torrent of him, and yet he is not diminished…" Be on the lookout, people. This year resolve not to let those moments sweep by you because we may only have just a very few chances in life.
