duty

I still remember and maybe I always will, though it wasn't that long ago, the day I left for basic training; to start a new phase of my life. I remember the day of and the night before most clearly.

I remember that my girlfriend, of only two weeks at the time - a woman that I would eventually come to love and then eventually have to let go - stayed up with me until 4 in the morning, when exhaustion finally claimed us. I remember that four of the greatest girls you could ever ask for as sisters or friends came to visit that night and, though we shared few words because none would suffice, we shared enough love to last a life time. I remember that morning sitting on the couch in the apartment that had most recently been my place of residence with some of the people I care most about, and beginning to cry as we prayed together. I remember my mom meeting me at the recruiting station to say a final good bye. And I remember my best friend, then, now and I hope always, and our last embrace before I left and the tears on both our faces.

What's the point to all this? I take measure of everything that I've gained in my short span of years, all that I've accomplished and my level of success I suppose, by what I've had to sacrifice. A man, who was really more than a man, once said, "Greater love has no man than this, that he lay down his life for his friends." And I wonder more often than ever now if laying down your life isn't as easy as simply dying. What would be the difficulty in dying surrounded by the people you love, after all? What if the hardest part of everything that Jesus did wasn't that fateful day hanging on a cross, but every day leading up to it that he set aside all his desire for the sake of those he loved?

I don't have a whole lot of moments of real vulnerability with very many people. But the truth is, everytime I think about what it is that I really do, am being asked to do; where I'm being asked to go, I'm filled with apprehension. Not for what I'm going into, but for what I'm leaving behind. Maybe it's the things you leave behind that tell you how worthwhile your life really is.

only the lonely

it's really not so bad up here. Sure spring came late and we expect summer to be even later but once you get used to it the weather is no more than a minor irritation. The hardest thing is the isolation. Don't get me wrong, I work around people all day everyday; lots of people. And then I see people at the gym. I share a room with another guy so I'm very rarely actually alone.

Loneliness sets in when I don't have anyone to connect with. It happens when there's no one really willing to listen within a 300 mile radius. I used to think there was something wrong with me whenever I felt lonely. Like I must have been doing something wrong when it came to making friends or meeting people. Now, I just suppose it's another phase that I'm going through, again.

I figure that Adam, by which I mean the first man in creation, was the only human being on earth for at least 100 years before Eve showed up on the scene. You have to figure that even after God decided it wasn't good for man to be alone, Adam still named all of the animals on the planet before he finally fell asleep so God could create woman. my guess is that naming all of the animals is a pretty long process even if we cut out sleeping and eating. So I guess in light of that I'm doing ok.

None of that means you should stop talking to me.

As predicted

Well, as I might have predicted negelect has begun to set in on my blog, it's mostly from a lack of pictures I suppose. I really should have insisted on more pictures being taken while I was home. MOre pictures, more memories right?

Summer arrives again and I suppose this shall prove to be the most challenging one yet. In June my unit will be taking another little camping trip down to Louisiana for about three weeks and then back here for about a month and then, hoping against hope, Mike Harvey and I will be tearing it up circa Cleveland and perhaps various other locations around the midwest. Oxford? Ann Arbor? who can say for sure? So if you're likely to be in or around any of those places, drop Mike or I a line and we can make it happen. . . .maybe.

Until that time, pray and fast about coming up here to see me. It's actually starting to be pretty nice weather and the place doesn't look too bad during the summer time. INterested? YOu know you are. Anyone is welcome, I'll find you a place to stay and conceivably even rent you a place to stay if money's an issue. I'm this close to begging guys, don't make me do it. http://www.mapquest.com there that's making it easy for you right there.

I guess that's it, maybe I'll start writing some meaningful things in here.

the way things were