More and more often these days I have such a feeling of unrest that persists deep down inside me. And I can neither identify the source nor find a way to put it to rest. My surroundings offer me very little outlet for any of the things going on inside my head. I also admit to a sense of . . resignation; a pervading feeling that, having decided my future for at least the next four years, everything else I've ever wanted for my life will be forever out of reach. At this time I feel it is necessary to address those of you who would seek to allay my doubts by saying something that you think might be encouraging. Probably something about God being in control and His plan being ultimate. So let me make a preemptive strike against all that by saying that I"m already aware of all this and I believe it to be true as well. What can I say? Emotion, which I've been accused of having too little of or keeping too much to myself, is rarely a rational thing that will pay attention to the more reasonable arguments of truth. There need be no response nor any conversation concerning any of this, and I don't look for either. THis is me trying to not keep things on the inside as much.