the loneliest number

I spent four years, give or take, at Miami University being involved heavily with Campus Crusade for Christ. And during that time, I learned any number of things that I've since left by the wayside, having judged them to be unhelpful in living life in the world outside of Miami University. It's possible that we may return to a discussion of what some of those things are at a later time but today is about applicable information.

One thing that I learned that I still believe to be true, absolutely and without question, is that human beings, were created (which I also still believe) to be together. In fact, I think it's possible that every created thing was meant to have it's partner. I'm not talking about boyfriends and girlfriends, or husbands and wives, or romance or sex. I'm just talking about having someone or something around to relate to, to be in a relationship with.

I live in a lonely place and I lead a lonely life. I'm a Sergeant in the United States Army, living in upstate New York, in a place that may never have been meant to support human life. I spent 16 months in a combat zone in Afghanistan. My best friend only lives six hours away but it's certainly too far to spend very much time together. And thus far the only people up here that seem to be willing to talk to me much are the guys that I work with, who I generally try to steer clear of in social situations for various reasons.

I don't say all of this for pity or sympathy or any reaction of any kind from anyone. The background information was only meant to make illustrate my point. We need other people. I've rebelled against that idea for most of my life but there's really no getting around it. I often joke and say that I either want to find girlfriend or get a new puppy. I'm almost certain that the puppy would make for a much simpler life but people need people. I have a whole host of thoughts, and sometimes even feelings, that often find no outlet other than this computer screen.

It was John Donne who said, "No man is an Island, entire of itself; every man is a piece of the Continent, a part of the main; if a clod be washed away by the sea, Europe is the less, as well as if a promontory were, as well as if a manor of thy friends or of thine own were; any man's death diminishes me, because I am involved in Mankind; And therefore never send to know for whom the bell tolls; It tolls for thee." So I hope now that, if anyone still reads this blog, we can constantly remind ourselves not to take the people in our lives for granted or any person anywhere.

Homeward Bound

So I've come out of Afghanistan and back in to the real world again. . . . Or maybe I'm out of Afghanistan and taking a break from the real world for a little while. In either case I'm back in the United States again and, so far, loving every minute. I'd be lying if I said it wasn't very, very strange trying to reintegrate myself into "polite society", such as it is, and at time also very difficult. I'm still nervous around crowds, loud noises make me jump, I look at almost everyone I see distrustfully, I'm more prone to violence than the person who left here 16 months ago, and there are some nights where I just can't sleep worth a damn. I've been, at least, a little uncomfortable almost everywhere I've been in the last week and a half, with almost everyone I've hung out with. Almost everyone.

So what's the fix? Does time make it go away? Surround myself with people who make me feel happy and safe? There aren't too many of those people around. The good news is that I'm normal. So said the Chaplain before we left Afghanistan. Apparently everyone experiences post traumatic stress. So as long as I don't fly off the handle and kill someone in cold blood with my bare hands, we don't have to worry. One week and change and things already feel like they're going do fast. Some good, some bad but all very, very fast. Nothing is ever easy.

All that being said, I really am thrilled to be back. New car, new computer, met a girl, leg is almost healed, saw my best friend, played volleyball, got pretty intoxicated the other night, had a great weekend and planning on doing it all again this weekend. Having fun that is.

The Extension, The Final Four, Falling Down

I had to back date this entry so everything would be in the right order. Mike was kind enough to yell at me for not updating my Blog in like a year so, even though, everyone pretty much knows the story here it comes again. I'm not even confident anyone is still reading this page due to the fact that I'm so bad at keeping it refreshed. Circa the first week in January of 2007, my platoon, along with the rest of our Battalion, prepared to return to the United States after a year long deployment in Afghanistan. So let's get some perspective first. I don't know that I was ready to come back yet. Don't get me wrong, I didn't exactly enjoy being in Afghanistan by any means, but I also didn't really feel I had anything to look forward to in coming back to the states. Every time someone asked me the question, "what are you looking forward to most about coming back?" "what's the first thing you're going to do when you get back?" and I never had a halfway decent answer. I wasn't as excited as I should have been.

Well the time finally came for us to depart Mehtar Lam, we tried to load ourselves and all of our stuff onto one CH-47 and one Blackhawk Helicopter. Well the CH-47 broke down. Fortunately we were on the ground at the time. THen the Blackhawk broke down. SO we got off and waited. They sent two more Blackhawks, myself and ten other people got on, leaving the rest of our platoon behind. We flew to Bagram and stayed the night. THe next day we flew back to Mehtar Lam and picked up the rest of our platoon and flew to Sharana. We stayed the night there and then flew from Sharana to Bagram, waiting to get on a plane to start flying home. The same day that we were supposed to leave for Kuwait we received the news about our extension. We flew from Bagram to Sharana and from Sharana back to Mehtar Lam. Sounds exciting right?

Well I guess the four months following that went by pretty quick. Mostly the same old stuff. We weren't getting shot at as much, which is good. We did some air assault missions with another battalion. I fell down the side of a mountain and hurt my leg pretty badly and spent the rest of the deployment at Bagram. Which brings us up to present day, and going back to the states again. But this time I'm ready. Though I'm still not sure what it is that I'm looking forward to. Maybe getting a chance to experience a little bit of the freedom that I'm over here trying to protect. I know that if I never see Afghanistan again, I'm totally fine with that. But that's not very likely.

The Lost Platoon

Today started out looking like it might turn out pretty well. I woke up a little later than usual at about 7. It was raining, which, on the face of things, might seem like a negative but it meant that helicopters would be grounded and that our mission would be canceled for the day which in turn meant that I could take a nap after breakfast. I was also anticipating the arrival of a large quantity of mail for my platoon. We had not received any mail since we were told about our extension so, naturally, we were all quite excited about the prospect.

Let's get some background on what's been going on with us over here, before I go any further. We're on our own out here. Since the day of our arrival in this country, thirteen months ago, we've been separated from our company and our battalion, left to our own devices, and working for one National Guard unit or another. As a result of this we're often left, "swinging in the wind" as they say. For example, until recently, none of our faces appeared in the company yearbook, which we were all being pressured to buy anyway. As a result of this we're often late in things like getting our mail and knowing what's going on.

Therefore, when the truck arrived carrying all the mail for this FOB, ours wasn't on it. As a result of this, it is unlikely that I will see any of that mail until the end of March when I come back from the field. Thanks to all the people that tried though.

My Extension in Afghanistan

On January 20, 2007 my platoon was scheduled to fly from our For here at Mehtar Lam to FOB Sherona so that we could do all things necessary for us to fly out of this country. They showed up without enough helicopter space to fit us all in so I instead flew to Bagram Air Field with ten other guys from my platoon. We stayed the night. The next day we flew back to Mehtar Lam to pick up the rest of the platoon and then continued on to Sherona. We turned in our ammo and armor plates and proceeded to wait for our flight to Kuwait. Instead we flew to Bagram Air Field to wait for a flight to Kuwait. ON the 25th of January, the day we were supposed to fly out, we got the news that we were being extended for AT LEAST four more months. Four days later we flew from Bagram to Sherona picked up our ammo and our plates and two days ago we flew from Sherona to Mehtar Lam which is when things finally set in for me that I won't be coming back to the states.

I guess in order for me to see how much I really was looking forward to coming back, I needed to have it stripped away from me all of a sudden. Even with very little to look forward to back in the states, I would much rather be there than here. So if/when I come back, what I look forward to is seeing all of you.